The words unsaid, melodies unplayed.

7 months ago

I miss you.

Life sucks without you. That’s why I hate it when I’ve created too much memories with someone I’d be expecting to be parting with in time to come.

It’s like everywhere I go I get reminded of you. How we got mistaken as a couple on the train when others gave up their seats for us. I miss shopping with you.. I miss indulging in all the good food with you.

I’m trying to move on. Marking as each day passes by, is a step closer to moving on. I hate this life right now. It’s unlike the past where I can work and study till late night to numb myself, bury myself in law. Now I can’t..

I just hope you’d be happier without me. I’m just glad I don’t feel like I owe you anything anymore. It was a good parting meal last week and let’s keep things this way forever.

And it sucks when my family knows about you too. They’re just gonna keep asking about you and I’ll find excuses to shun them all. Haiz.

8 months ago

Needs help.

I’ve been visiting this tumblr every weekend, it’s like a little diary where I write notes to myself. And I know people rarely visit this tumblr of mine and so I can speak with absolute honesty and its secrecy maintained.

Life has been really, really sucky. It’s like a downhill slope, or soon to be a straight line heading downwards endlessly. I really, really cannot stand anymore verbal abuse. The lines have also been crossed by trying going against the excuses endorsed and given. The worst has to happen before they would stop what they are doing I guess. I really hate to be doubted for my words.

For the past few weekends I’ve been trying hard to google on ways to combat depression, to stay hopeful, to stay mentally strong. It seems its effects are coming to an end soon… I’m absolutely dreading tomorrow and highly doubt I’m even prepared for Monday. I don’t know what else I can do. I hope time files really quickly and I get out of the place soon. I just hope I can be mentally strong to endure all these. My mood swings are really bad. I’ve spammed a lot of chocolates for artificial happiness and it seems to be useless now too. I don’t know what else I can do.

8 months ago

Hope-less.

Life currently is really shitty for me. I honestly miss schooling or even working life, where I can at least look forward to lunch breaks and day end for the faces of my love ones and resting at home in my comfort zone. I can’t rely on the same anymore, at least not for the majority of the days in the week.

I really need you, be it even at its simplest - a friend. As much as I try to avoid (which I have succeeded in) contacting you, I secretly hope you would at least drop me a really plain text of concern. But nah, it’s been a week since I last heard from you, do I really mean that little to you?

Anyway, as cliche as it can be, it is true your family will always be there regardless. I’m really regretting how much I’ve abused them in the past - verbally, mentally, whatever. They are really supportive and encouraging and are trying their best to cheer me up and to see me healthy again. Having them to see me at my weakest state is the last thing I want to happen, but it did happen. I’m just glad to be now on the receiving end of all concerns and not having to burden myself with anymore responsibilities (for now) because they don’t want me to suffer unduly anymore. :’)

Losing 5 kg in 2 weeks is not a joke I guess and I know having them to watch me eating only a meal daily pains them but I have really zero appetite for anything… I really hope I can survive and tide over this ordeal soon. I am supposed to be the pillar of this household, or at least that’s what I picture myself to be. I need to stand up again. Please, I only pray for the mental strength and ability to put up with all these ‘hurdles’ and ‘obstacles’.

Tonight I wish I was wrong. I wish you were here by my side giving me support like my family members. I wish to receive your care and concern too. I’m in need of your attention. Deep down, I know this is not going to happen. I just don’t know what else to hope for anymore.

I feel like a capsized boat with its remains sailing endlessly in a thunderstorm. I don’t even know if my condition is repairable but I sure hope to be rescued and be repaired. I miss you.

8 months ago

Graduation~

I know this post came rather too late… But better late than never, right? ;)

So. I’m done with my 3 years in the many blinks of an eye. A rather painful, difficult and definitely rough journey it was. I still remember that painful period when I decided to withdraw from mj and retreated to a different route for my academic pathway.

Anyway, cut things short. I just wanna thank the many friends I’ve made within, and outside of law. I’m just gonna do a very short post on these 3 years…

First of all how can I not start with my ‘best friend’ AGG? Goh jia jie ;) (I know this makes a very bad start but it’s okay, i’m willing to do the sacrifice).

Undoubtedly I think it’d be very hard for me to survive these 3 years if not for him. But of course, without me, I don’t think he can even survive the 1st year. if you’re reading this, please know i’m joking :)

I’m just glad to have a friend like him, and am glad we are still friends. We actually understand one another pretty well and what differs between us is just the approach we would take to deal with problems. It’s really great to have a friend who shares similar ambition as you and to have someone who works equally hard to reach that ambition.

I think he is the only friend whom I have ever been so critical with. I have to admit (and i’m probably going to do this only once in this lifetime) but he is a really tolerating and understanding friend, towards everyone. It is this kindness in him that occasionally reminds me that makes me less paranoid a person when dealing with other people.

I’m just going to end this abruptly here, I’ve praised him enough ;) One last thing, he is one of the few people whom I honestly believe that their grades understated their abilities.

After Sister Goh, of course I’d mention Pretty Leow. YES you’re pretty, I just

I never had the chance and time to do this graduation post and just in case I can’t do the same in future, I’m gonna post this draft of mine now. People above, someday if you come across this tumblr post of mine, just know I’m thankful for your existence and I definitely wouldn’t have survived 3 years of law & allothershit without your help and company. :’)

8 months ago

Wish me luck…

I doubt anyone would read this but I honestly hope any of my friends would bother to…

I know I haven’t been contacting many of you except giving some random replies once in a while on whatsapp (and for some others, none at all). Right now I’m facing a really tough & hard time in NS, especially when I finally realized the usefulness of all my fingers and I honestly understand now what ‘health is wealth’ truly means.

I’ve also realized how mentally weak I can be at times. I’m thankful for friends whom I’ve confide in and stood by me all this while. I really hope I can survive this ‘ordeal’. When (and if I ever do) overcome all these hurdles, I’ll be back the same old lame cheesy and cheeky me to be with you all again. Right now I’m just minimizing my contact with as many people as possible, because I do understand how negative an influence I can be at this point in time. Till then guys, I wish you all well.

Notes: 24 / 9 months ago from blogsecret

blogsecret:

my feelings and emotions change every day since i met you. i don’t know what it is, but i feel like a stupid child. i don’t want to ruin what we have because i care about you. i think because of my feelings, i feel like an annoyance to you. i really hope this isn’t true because i don’t want to lose you. -v

9 months ago

Regrets, as usual.

Sometimes I hate myself for acting recklessly - using harsh words on impulse. Which usually causes myself and another to distant. I hope things can be back to same, like the good old days.

9 months ago